I’ve really enjoyed this spring and summer. I was able to talk a bunch of plants into not dying in my yard and some of them actually seemed to enjoy themselves. None more, however, than the cute tomato plant I stuck in a big pot on my deck. When I bought the tiny guy, we’ll call him Tom, he was knee-high to a “little person” and fragile and sweet. I gently placed him into a pot I deemed too large for his pale thread-like roots, but I figured I wouldn’t have to water him as often if I stuck him in 79 pounds of dirt. Then the beast was unleashed. I swear to you, Seymour must have been feeding him blood because this damn tomato plant is so enormous that it keeps tipping over (tomato cage and all) under the weight of its beefy stems. Now, here’s the spidery part. While Tom was still a manageable size, I noticed a strange and interesting spider living on a nearby hanging basket. I decided to let him stay there undisturbed… I hate killing spiders, and I even find them kinda neato from a distance. One day, as I was filling Tom’s gaping maw with MORE water, I noticed a beautiful orb web decorating his, uh, torso-ish area? And then I found her. The biggest “strange and interesting” spider I’d ever seen. This thing has an abdomen the size of a marble and it has spikes. SPIKES! Tom and Hugey McLonglegs must have both gotten into the Miracle Grow. My main squeeze did a web search and found out that she’s called a Cat Face Spider and I’m pretty sure, based on the pictures we found, that she is the mother of all the Cat Face Spiders. And I’m a freak. I’ve grown attached to the icky lady even though it makes my skin itch when I think about her. And forget picking Tom’s ripe fruit! No one wants a handful of Kitty Spider. So I’m stuck with a disgustingly large and unusable tomato plant and his disgustingly large house guest. To kill, or not to kill. I guess I’ll let her stay. Gross. Awesome! Gross.
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