So, it’s Groundhog Day. Groundhog f-ing Day. We have an entire day devoted to a rodent seeing, or not seeing, his small furry shadow. While I try to support cutesy holidays in general, (come on, who doesn’t appreciate that people die so that we can eat candy?) I cannot get behind this wacked out tradition. This is for one main reason. How do the nut jobs holding up the buck-toothed Phil know whether or not he’s seen his shadow? What do they do, ask? Do they know an ancient form of hog-type language? It’s a bunch of drunk old men fiddling around with a jerky rodent that enjoys digging holes. Stupid. I really think that Groundhog Day would be more successful if it were mainly about treats. Treats are my fave. Every successful holiday is about eating good stuff and, frankly, I find that more interesting than the predictions of a big gerbil. So, we need to find a good Groundhog Day goodie. Get on that, would you?

So he's a little cute. Shut up.