Smelly Hippies!

Long Hair. Footwear made from ropes. Shirts made out of old tablecloths. All natural grooming products. Yes, this strange list is a short compilation of weird hippy type items, and I have to admit to partaking in all of them. My hair always seems to get long again, though I think this is from my general disdain for spending money on frequent trimmings and chatting about someone elses kids and how stupid everyone but the hairdresser and myself are. I shall not scorn the rope shoes... I mean, come on! How bitchin' are they!? My tablecloth shirt pretty much rocks; old timey cherries are always in style, right? But, alas, we come to the "natural" forms of hygiene. Here is were I continually go, yet always seem to come screaming back to the chemically enhanced miscreants. I'll not go into detail about the crappy shampoo made from wild chamomile petals, or the non lathering soap which unavoidably freaks me out. I wish to concentrate on crystal deodorant. Mmm hmm, deodorant made from a giant salt crystal. When I met the aforementioned crystal, my hippy side lept for joy! A mystical rock to rub on my pits! Ol' Ma Nature probably doesn't mind having her bounty ripped from the earth so that I can have a healthy alternative to my Lady Speed Stick. Here's the problem... IT DOES NOT WORK. How do I know? The smell, Clarice. I would wake at night and hear the lambs smelling (random movie reference, sorta.) How embarrassing to be offered a warm hug, and POW! You just gave the unsuspecting touchy-feely person a reason to never hug again. "Nice to meet you!" Close hand shake... and... SLAM! We have a man down! It's a little like having armpit super powers. Well, I'm sure that 2 people will have had the time or distasteful desire to read this far, so I'll wrap it up. Just say no to crystal deodorant... even if it's pretty.